The manners () of eating includes issues prior to eating, during eating and after eating.
From the first category:
- Washing the hands.
- Placing the food on a sufra on the ground. This is closer to the sunnah of the Prophet (sas) than eating on a table and it is closer to humility.
- Sitting at the sufra in the manner of the Prophet's (sas) sunnah. This is in one of three ways: 1) with the right knee up and sitting on the left leg, 2) sitting cross-legged or 3) sitting on one's knees like the sitting in salat.
- Intention. One's intention in eating should be to gain strength for obedience to Allah Most High. You should not eat with no other intention than enjoying the food. The sign of the genuineness of this intention is eating the required amount but less than filling oneself. The Prophet (sas) said:
- عَنْ مِقْدَامِ بْنِ مَعْدِي كَرِبَ قَالَ سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَقُولُ مَا مَلَأَ آدَمِيٌّ وِعَاءً شَرًّا مِنْ بَطْنٍ بِحَسْبِ ابْنِ آدَمَ أُكُلَاتٌ يُقِمْنَ صُلْبَهُ فَإِنْ كَانَ لَا مَحَالَةَ فَثُلُثٌ لِطَعَامِهِ وَثُلُثٌ لِشَرَابِهِ وَثُلُثٌ لِنَفَسِهٌِ
- From Miqdam ibn Ma'diy Karib who said: I heard Allah's Messenger (sas) say, "No son of Adam ever filled any container worse than his own stomach. Enough for any son of Adam are some bits of food to keep his back straight. If it must be, then one third for his food, one third for his drink and one third for his breath. (At-Tirmidhi)
- Other consequences of this intention (eating to gain strength for obedience) is that he never stretch out his hand for food unless he is hungry and that he withdraw his hand from food before becoming full. One who practices this will almost never need a doctor. Also in this area is that he be satisfied with whatever sustenance he finds and never looks down on that which is little or humble. Also, that he should make effort for there to be many hands on the food even if just from his wife and children.
From the second category (during eating)
- Mentioning Allah. By starting with ( بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم ) and ending with any of the du'a found in the following hadith:
- عَنْ أَنَسٍ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ كَانَ إِذَا أَوَى إِلَى فِرَاشِهِ قَالَ الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ الَّذِي أَطْعَمَنَا وَسَقَانَا وَكَفَانَا وَآوَانَا فَكَمْ مِمَّنْ لَا كَافِيَ لَهُ وَلَا مُؤْوِيَ
- From Anas (ra) that Allah's Messenger (sas) used to say when retiring: Praise to Allah who fed us and gave us drink, gave us what suffices us and gave us shelter. How many are those who have no one to suffice them nor to give them shelter. (Muslim)
عَنْ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ كَانَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِذَا أَكَلَ أَوْ شَرِبَ قَالَ الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ الَّذِي أَطْعَمَنَا وَسَقَانَا وَجَعَلَنَا مُسْلِمِينَ
From Abi Saeed (ra) who said: Whenever the Prophet (sas) ate or drank he (sas) would say: "Praise to Allah who fed us, gave us drink and made us among the Muslims."
Eating with the right hand. Also, taking small bites, chewing well and not reaching for more until first swallowing what you have taken.
عَنْ وَهْبِ بْنِ كَيْسَانَ سَمِعَهُ مِنْ عُمَرَ بْنِ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ قَالَ كُنْتُ فِي حَجْرِ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ وَكَانَتْ يَدِي تَطِيشُ فِي الصَّحْفَةِ فَقَالَ لِي يَا غُلَامُ سَمِّ اللَّهَ وَكُلْ بِيَمِينِكَ وَكُلْ مِمَّا يَلِيكَ
From Wahb ibn Kaisan who heard it from Umar ibn Abi Salama who said: I was in the custody of Allah's Messenger (sas) and my hand used to go everywhere in the tray so he (sas) said to me: "Young man, mention Allah, eat with your right hand and eat from that which is closest to you."
عَنْ أَبِي بَكْرِ بْنِ عُبَيْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عُمَرَ عَنْ جَدِّهِ ابْنِ عُمَرَ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ إِذَا أَكَلَ أَحَدُكُمْ فَلْيَأْكُلْ بِيَمِينِهِ وَإِذَا شَرِبَ فَلْيَشْرَبْ بِيَمِينِهِ فَإِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ يَأْكُلُ بِشِمَالِهِ وَيَشْرَبُ بِشِمَالِهِ
From Abi Bakr ibn Ubaidallah ibn Abdullah ibn Umar from his grandfather Ibn Umar that Allah's Messenger (sas) said: "When any of you eat let him eat with his right hand and when he drinks let him drink with his right hand because Shaytaan eats with his left hand and drinks with his left hand." (Muslim)
- Eat with the thumb and the first two fingers.
- عَنْ ابْنِ كَعْبِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ عَنْ أَبِيهِ قَالَ كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَأْكُلُ بِثَلَاثِ أَصَابِعَ وَيَلْعَقُ يَدَهُ قَبْلَ أَنْ يَمْسَحَهَا
- From Ibn Kaab ibn Malik from his father who said: "Allah's Messenger (sas) used to eat with three fingers and like his hand before wiping it." (Muslim)
If any foo6d falls, retrieve it, remove any dirt and eat it.
Do not blow on hot food in order to cool it and do not breathe on what you are drinking.
عَنْ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ قَالَ لَمْ يَكُنْ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَنْفُخُ فِي طَعَامٍ وَلَا شَرَابٍ وَلَا يَتَنَفَّسُ فِي الْإِنَاءِ
From Ibn Abbas who said: The Prophet (sas) never blew on his food nor breathed in his glass.
- Never say anything negative about the food.
- عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ مَا عَابَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ طَعَامًا قَطُّ كَانَ إِذَا اشْتَهَى شَيْئًا أَكَلَهُ وَإِنْ كَرِهَهُ تَرَكَهُ
- From Abi Huraira who said: "The Prophet (sas) never spoke ill of any food, ever. His (sas) habit was if he desired it he ate it and if he (sas) disliked it, he left it."
- Never put dates and pits on the same plate. Nothing which has been in anyone's mouth should ever be near food which has not been eaten. Bones, date seeds and the like should be discarded elsewhere and NEVER put back near the food.
More Concerning the Manners of Eating Together
- Do not begin to eat in the presence of another who should come first due to age or other considerations. Rather, let that one begin first.
- Do not eat in complete silence nor talk too much. Rather, there should be moderate conversation in which subjects of benefit and reminder are mentioned.
- Each participant should prefer his brother to himself paying more attention to others getting enough than to himself. The other should feel at ease and never need to be told to eat.
- Do not look at another while they are eating in case that makes them feel shy.
- Do not do anything which may be repugnant to the others eating with you such as putting your hand in various parts of the food unnecessarily, facing another as you put the food in your mouth, etc. When you take something from your mouth (i.e., a pit or bone), turn your face away from the food and take it with your left hand. Do not put something fatty into something with vinegar or dip something from which you have bitten into any sauce or soup.
Offering Food to Your Brothers
It is a desireable act to offer food to your brothers. That has been reported from Ali ibn Abi Talib in his statement: "To bring my brothers together over a scoop of food is more dear to me than the freeing of a slave."
Present to your guest that which is available without going to extremes. Present it to them without asking their permission first. In other words, don't make your guest say, "Yes, I would like to eat."
Manners of the Guest
Do not suggest particular foods and if given a choice, choose the lesser of the two except in the case where you know that your host likes you to do otherwise. Ash-Shafi'iy once was a guest of Az-Za'faraniy who used to write for his servant each day what to cook. One day, Ash-Shafi'iy took the list and added something to it. Az-Za'faraniy found out about this and was extremely pleased.
Hospitality and Guests
Of the manners of hospitality is that you should seek to invite the people of taqwa and not the people of corruption. Some of the salaf used to say: "Do not eat but the food of the pious and let none eat your food but the pious." This is similar to the following hassan (sound) hadith of the Prophet:
الترمذي
عَنْ أَبِي الْهَيْثَمِ عَنْ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ أَنَّهُ سَمِعَ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَقُولُ لَا تُصَاحِبْ إِلَّا مُؤْمِنًا وَلَا يَأْكُلْ طَعَامَكَ إِلَّا تَقِيٌّ
From Abi Saeed that he heard Allah's Messenger (sas) say, "Do not take as a companion anyone but a believer and let none eat your food but a pious one." (At-Tirmidhi)
Do not intend to invite only the wealthy. Do not overlook your relatives in invitations since doing so can cause bad feeling and the breaking of family ties. Maintaining family ties is a very strong command in Islam.
البحاري
عَنْ مَسْرُوقٍ قَالَ أَتَيْتُ ابْنَ مَسْعُودٍ فَقَالَ إِنَّ قُرَيْشًا أَبْطَئُوا عَنْ الْإِسْلَامِ فَدَعَا عَلَيْهِمْ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَأَخَذَتْهُمْ سَنَةٌ حَتَّى هَلَكُوا فِيهَا وَأَكَلُوا الْمَيْتَةَ وَالْعِظَامَ فَجَاءَهُ أَبُو سُفْيَانَ فَقَالَ يَا مُحَمَّدُ جِئْتَ تَأْمُرُ بِصِلَةِ الرَّحِمِ وَإِنَّ قَوْمَكَ هَلَكُوا فَادْعُ اللَّهَ فَقَرَأَ {فَارْتَقِبْ يَوْمَ تَأْتِي السَّمَاءُ بِدُخَانٍ مُبِينٍ(10)يَغْشَى النَّاسَ هَذَا عَذَابٌ أَلِيمٌ(11)رَبَّنَا اكْشِفْ عَنَّا الْعَذَابَ إِنَّا مُؤْمِنُونَ(12)أَنَّى لَهُمُ الذِّكْرَى وَقَدْ جَاءَهُمْ رَسُولٌ مُبِينٌ(13)ثُمَّ تَوَلَّوْا عَنْهُ وَقَالُوا مُعَلَّمٌ مَجْنُونٌ(14)إِنَّا كَاشِفُوا الْعَذَابِ قَلِيلًا إِنَّكُمْ عَائِدُونَ(15)يَوْمَ نَبْطِشُ الْبَطْشَةَ الْكُبْرَى إِنَّا مُنْتَقِمُونَ(16)ٍ} ثُمَّ عَادُوا إِلَى كُفْرِهِمْ فَذَلِكَ قَوْلُهُ تَعَالَى {يَوْمَ نَبْطِشُ الْبَطْشَةَ الْكُبْرَى إِنَّا مُنْتَقِمُونَ} يَوْمَ بَدْرٍ قَالَ أَبُو عَبْد اللَّهِ وَزَادَ أَسْبَاطٌ عَنْ مَنْصُورٍ فَدَعَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَسُقُوا الْغَيْثَ فَأَطْبَقَتْ عَلَيْهِمْ سَبْعًا وَشَكَا النَّاسُ كَثْرَةَ الْمَطَرِ قَالَ اللَّهُمَّ حَوَالَيْنَا وَلَا عَلَيْنَا فَانْحَدَرَتْ السَّحَابَةُ عَنْ رَأْسِهِ فَسُقُوا النَّاسُ حَوْلَهُمْ
From Masrooq who said, I came to Ibn Masood who said, "Quraish were not accepting Islam quickly and the Prophet (sas) made du'a against them and they were afflicted with famine until some of them died and they were forced to eat dead animals and bones. Then, Abu Sufyan came to him (sas) and said, "O Muhammad, you have come commanding the maintaining of family ties and your people are suffering, so ask Allah for them. Then he (sas) read: {So watch for the day when the sky with a distinct smoke (10) It envelopes the people - this is a painful punishment. (11) Our Lord! Remove the punishment from us as we are believers. (12) Of what use to them are reminders when a clear Messenger has already come to them? (13) But they turned away from him and said schooled (by others), crazy. (14) We will withdraw the punishment a little and they will go back. (15) On the day when we strike the great blow, we will avenge. (16)}. Then they returned to their disbelief and that is Allah's statement ( in the last verse above), {On the day when we strike the great blow, we will avenge. (16)} i.e., the day of Badr. Abu Abdullahi (Al-Bukhari) said some (narrators) added from Mansur: So Allah's Messenger (sas) asked Allah for them and rains were sent seven in a row until the people complained of too much rain. Then, the Prophet (sas) said, O Allah, around us and not upon us. Then the clouds withdrew from over his head and the people all around received the rain. (Al-Bukhari)
Likewise, when inviting among one's friends and acquantences, you should choose not based on showing off or any other considerations other than the sunnah of feeding others, bringing Muslims together, softening their hearts and bringing joy to them. Do not invite one for whom you know attending is difficult or one who will annoy others for whatever reason.
As for responding to an invitation, it is obligatory in the case of a wedding and preferable in all other cases. Do not discriminate between rich and poor in responding to invitations. Do not refrain from attending because you are fasting, rather you should attend. If it is a voluntary fast and you know that it will please your host if you eat, then you should break your fast.
If the food is haraam or there are other haraam issues going on such as uncovered women mixed with men, music, etc., then you should not attend. Likewise if the host is an oppressor, a person of corruption and sin or a person of innovation.
You should not intend with your acceptance of an invitation the food itself. Rather, your intention should be the following of the sunnah and honoring your fellow Muslim. Protect your brother from thinking ill of you by answering his invitation for it could easily be thought of the one who turns down an invitation that they are arrogant or prideful. This is the principle of helping your brother to avoid any suspicion as in the following hadith:
البخاري
صَفِيَّةَ زَوْجَ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَخْبَرَتْهُ أَنَّهَا جَاءَتْ إِلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ تَزُورُهُ فِي اعْتِكَافِهِ فِي الْمَسْجِدِ فِي الْعَشْرِ الْأَوَاخِرِ مِنْ رَمَضَانَ فَتَحَدَّثَتْ عِنْدَهُ سَاعَةً ثُمَّ قَامَتْ تَنْقَلِبُ فَقَامَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَعَهَا يَقْلِبُهَا حَتَّى إِذَا بَلَغَتْ بَابَ الْمَسْجِدِ عِنْدَ بَابِ أُمِّ سَلَمَةَ مَرَّ رَجُلَانِ مِنْ الْأَنْصَارِ فَسَلَّمَا عَلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ لَهُمَا النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ عَلَى رِسْلِكُمَا إِنَّمَا هِيَ صَفِيَّةُ بِنْتُ حُيَيٍّ فَقَالَا سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَكَبُرَ عَلَيْهِمَا فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ يَبْلُغُ مِنْ الْإِنْسَانِ مَبْلَغَ الدَّمِ وَإِنِّي خَشِيتُ أَنْ يَقْذِفَ فِي قُلُوبِكُمَا شَيْئًا
Safiya the wife of the Prophet (sas) informed him (the narrator) that she visited the Prophet during his I'tikaaf in the masjid during the last ten days of Ramadhan and sat for an hour talking to him (sas). When she turned to leave, the Prophet (sas) stood with her and accompanied her until she reached the door of the masjid. At the soor of Umm Salama two men from the Ansar passed and gave salaam to the Prophet (sas) who said to them: "Slowly, she is only Safiya bint Huyayy." They said, "Subhaana Allah, O Messenger of Allah!" And they were distressed by it. Then, the Prophet (sas) said to them: "Verily, Shaitaan reaches every part of a person which is reached by his blood and I feared that he may cast something into your hearts."
Manners of Bringing Out the Food
- Avoid excessive delay. This is part of honoring the guest.
- Bring out fruit at the beginning. This is healthier. Allah said regarding the bounties of the people of Paradise:
الواقعة
وَفَاكِهَةٍ مِمَّا يَتَخَيَّرُونَ(20)وَلَحْمِ طَيْرٍ مِمَّا يَشْتَهُونَ(21)
{And fruits from which they choose (20) And the flesh of birds of that which they desire. (21)}
The best thing to bring after that is meat, especially roasted meat. After that is grains and starches and then sweets. After this is cool water to drink and warm water with which to wash the hands.
- Present all of the forms food which have been prepared.
- Do not rush the removal of the food until all hands have been lifted from it.
- Bring out a quantity of food which is sufficient without being excessive. Serving less than enough food is not proper.
Make sure to set aside enough for your family members before serving the guests. When any guest leaves, accompany him to the door. This is sunnah and it is part of honoring your guest. Also part of this is a friendly face and keeping the conversation before, during and after on something fruitful, beneficial and pleasant.
As for the guest, he should leave with a clean heart toward his guest, even if he feels that there was some shortcoming with regard to him - this is part of good character and humility. He should not depart except with the acceptance of his host and consult his heart as to how long to remain.